What Hurts the Most
by iluvh0rs3s
Summary: This is the closure story we as WilSon fans deserved. Sonny goes back to the apartment after talking to Paul, needing to feel some connection to Will again. Your soulmate is never too far away, and it is never too late to tell the one you love how much you love them.


_Author's note: So I hate how the show ended the beautiful relationship that was Will and Sonny, after they spent almost a year destroying it. So this is my version of their ending. I also like to believe the last day that Sonny was on the air did not happen, because I think the way it ended was a huge slap in the face to the fans. Huge amounts of credit and dedication goes to JKing88 for all your help and advice. This story would definitely not be possible without you. I hope you like this. Credit for the title and song lyrics belong to Rascal Flatts, "What Hurts the Most"._

* * *

 _I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

 _That don't bother me_

 _I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

 _I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

 _Even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

 _There are days every now and again I pretend I'm OK_

 _But that's not what gets me_

 _What hurts the most_

 _Was being so close_

 _And having so much to say_

 _And watching you walk away_

 _And never knowing_

 _What could have been_

 _And not seeing that loving you_

 _Is what I was tryin' to do_

 _It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go_

 _But I'm doin' It_

 _It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

 _Still Harder_

 _Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret_

 _But I know if I could do it over_

 _I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart_

 _That I left unspoken_

 _What hurts the most_

 _Is being so close_

 _And having so much to say (much to say)_

 _And watching you walk away_

 _And never knowing_

 _What could have been_

 _And not seeing that loving you_

 _Is what I was trying to do, oh._

 _What hurts the most_

 _Was being so close_

 _And having so much to say (to say)_

 _And watching you walk away_

 _And never knowing_

 _What could have been_

 _And not seeing that loving you_

 _Is what I was trying to do_

 _Not seeing that loving you_

 _That's what I was trying to do_

* * *

Sonny Kiriakis walked in a haze through the town square. He wasn't focused in on anything or anyone; his body was on complete autopilot. His brain had completely shut down, unable to comprehend the reality that his husband was gone. Will was gone. Every time that thought came into his mind, _'Will is gone'_ , his knees felt weak and he wanted to throw up. His chest began to tighten again and he stopped for a moment to try and catch his breath. He looked around, but then realized that was a mistake. Everything he could see reminded him of Will. The Brady Pub. The Town Square. He refused to think of the club, since that made him feel even worse and think of others as well.

Suddenly, a hand reached out and touched his shoulder, startling him. He violently jumped back and gasped, turning as he did to face…Paul.

Paul took a step back and held up his hands. "Woah, it's just me, Sonny."

Sonny took a deep breath to calm himself and then just stared at Paul. Paul stared back at him, concerned. "Are you okay?" He reached his hand over again to touch Sonny's shoulder.

Sonny shrugged his hand off and only nodded. He knew Paul probably wanted him to say something, but he had no idea what to say. The one person Sonny wanted to talk to, wanted to hear from, was never going to talk to him again. Sonny was never going to get the chance to talk to Will again. He had already replayed Will's voicemail over and over again, desperate to hold on to any evidence of Will.

He looked back at Paul, and then felt sick at the look of concern on Paul's face. It suddenly felt like a betrayal to his husband to be standing here with Paul. He wondered why he spent so much time the past few months with Paul, leading him on, when all he wanted was to be with Will. Sure, he had been angry and hurt by Will, but who wouldn't be after their partner cheated on them? And yet, none of it suddenly mattered. Will was young, he was vulnerable, and Sonny knew firsthand how charming Paul could be.

"I need to go." He suddenly said to Paul. He needed to get away from the man who played a part in separating him and Will.

"Sonny…" Paul reached out again.

Sonny stepped away. "Leave me alone, Paul. I need to get home."

Before Paul could say anymore, Sonny turned and walked away. Paul wanted to point out to him that the Kiriakis Mansion was in the other direction, when he suddenly realized that Sonny was heading towards the apartment. The apartment he had shared with Will. The mansion wasn't home to Sonny. Not anymore. Paul sadly turned and walked away from the square towards his hotel. His heart ached for Sonny, for Sonny's loss and pain, and for his own. He knew now that, even with Will gone, Sonny had truly made his choice. Paul did not have a chance now against Will. He was not completely giving up hope, but for now, he knew it was time to step away.

Completely on autopilot, Sonny navigated his way to the apartment, the only thought in his mind was getting home. Home to Will. The rational part of his brain kept screaming at him to stop, but his heart could scream louder, telling him that everything would be okay, as long as he got home.

He approached the door to the apartment and quickly got his keys out to let himself in. He shivered as he walked in, wondering why it was so cold and if a window was open.

"Will? I'm…" He suddenly stopped himself when he turned around and found the empty apartment. He couldn't believe he had forgotten for a moment. He had actually forgotten for one second that Will was not in the apartment, was actually not alive. He felt like he had been punched in the stomach over and over. He looked around the apartment, still amazed at the fact that everything looked the same. Why did it look the same?

Sonny was suddenly struck by the thought that this is how Will must have felt every time Sonny left. Sonny had felt lonely in the apartment when Will had been away in L.A., but at least then he had known Will would come back. At the time, he felt angry about Will leaving and taking the opportunity to work across the country, leaving Sonny behind. Now, all Sonny wanted and wished for was the chance to do it over. To go with to L.A. How could he care more about a stupid club expansion over his husband? Maybe if they had talked more, none of this would have happened.

Logically, Sonny knew that both he and Will were to blame for the downhill of their marriage. Will had made more mistakes than Sonny, but Sonny let his emotions get the best of him and did not try hard enough to make things work. Sonny was angry at the time, wanting Will to know that Sonny was the best thing to ever happen to Will. It was selfish. And now it did not matter, Will was gone. Besides any recordings of Will or Will's voice, he was never going to hear Will's voice again. Never see Will's deep blue eyes. His smile. Never feel his arms around Sonny, wrapped in comfort and warmth.

The part that killed Sonny the most was that he could not remember the last time he kissed Will, told Will that he loved him. He could barely remember a time when he held Will's hand, touched him lovingly. He barely talked to Will over the past two months, only interested in hearing about how Ari was doing. Why did he do that to Will?

Suddenly, he felt angry. He just needed time. Time to get over the hurt and the anger. Didn't anyone understand that? He was of course coming back. He had been hurt, physically and emotionally, and he just need time to heal. He needed space to get away from everything and be able to figure out how he felt about everything. He looked over at the table that held a picture of him and Will and grabbed it off the table, staring at it.

"You were supposed to be here." He said. Anger built up inside him. Anger at the fact that he lost all that time with Will. Anger at Will for cheating on him. Anger at Paul for coming back into his life and then sleeping with his husband. Anger at himself.

Before he could stop himself, he flung the picture against the door. "Fuck!" he screamed. "Why couldn't you just give me time? I was coming back. I was hurt by you! You broke my heart, and I needed time to heal! Why couldn't you just give me time?!" Tears ran down his face, and he stared at the picture laying on the ground, and then at the crack in the glass of the frame that ran across Will's face. He choked out, "Why aren't you here? You are supposed to be here." He lovingly stroked the picture, crying out, "I need you here."

Barely able to stand any longer, he stumbled over to the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. Will's scent immediately engulfed Sonny's senses, and it both comforted him and devastated him. He gripped onto a shirt of Will's that was on the bed, clutching it to his face and chest. With tears running down his face, his body began to give out, the weariness and anxiety and sadness that had been built up since he heard the news weighed too heavily on him. He cried himself to sleep, Will's scent surrounding him and his own voice saying as he drifted off, "I need you here."

After what he felt like only a few moments, Sonny was startled by the motion of the bed moving and someone climbing into the bed. He opened his eyes and gasped at the sight of the person sitting next to him. His smiling husband.

"Will?"

Will stared down at Sonny lovingly. "Hi baby."

Sonny had no idea what to do or say. What was going on? "What? How…?"

Will stared at Sonny. "You said you needed me. So here I am."

Sonny looked around in the bedroom. "But Uncle Vic said…" and then Sonny drifted off, realizing what was going on. "This is a dream."

Will smiled sadly and nodded, shifting down to lay next to Sonny. Tears built up in Sonny's eyes again. "You are dead."

Will nodded. He reached out and gently ran down the side of Sonny's face, shushing Sonny as he began to cry again. "It's going to be okay."

Sonny continued to cry. "How could you say that? How can you say everything is going to be okay? You are not here. I need you here."

"I am here now. I am always going to be here when you need me."

Sonny did not know what to do or think. He wanted Will next to him, to be with him, and now that he was, Sonny had no idea what to do or say. Suddenly overcome with a need to be closer, Sonny leaned over and passionately kissed Will, trying to pour all the love and pain he had in him into the kiss.

After a few moments, the two broke apart. "Wow." Will said.

Sonny bit his lip and looked down. "We have not kissed like that in so long."

Will nodded. Sonny looked back up at Will. "I'm so sorry. I am so sorry I haven't kissed you like that in so long, that I have not told you how much you mean to me. I haven't told you so much and done so much for so long, and now I will never get the chance to."

Will looked at Sonny curiously. "Like what?"

Sonny looked at Will incredulously. "Like kiss you. Hold your hand. Tell you I love you. Tell you that even though you hurt me more than anything or anyone else in the world, you are the only person I want to wake up next to every morning. The only person I want in my bed."

Will smiled at Sonny. "So tell me now."

Sonny coughed. "Now? Now it doesn't matter. You are dead."

Will smiled. "Yes Sonny I know. But now it does matter. I'm here. I am always going to be with you. I am always going to be watching over you. So tell me everything that you want me to know."

Sonny still did not know what to think. He couldn't believe he was actually talking to his dead husband, or in his dream. But he realized it did not matter. He wanted Will to know some things, and maybe this was the only way he could tell him.

"I got your message. Right before I heard about what happened to you." He took a deep breath and grabbed Will's hand. "I realized when I heard your voice that I was so far away from where I needed to be. I left because I was so upset over everything that happened, and I needed space. But then suddenly I missed you more than ever and I needed to be with you."

He looked into Will's eyes. "I love you. I am so sorry I have not told you in so long, but I do love you. I was so hurt and angry by what you did, because you are my whole life. And it hurt that you slept with someone else. It hurt me so much Will. My life was all about you and Ari, and you being able to so easily sleep with someone else hurt so much. It made me question everything about our relationship."

Will opened his mouth to try and say something, but Sonny cut him off. "No, I need to…I need to say all of this." Will closed his mouth and nodded encouragingly. Sonny took a deep breath and tried to start again, but it was suddenly getting too hard. He knew he needed to explain to Will why he kept Paul around, but how do you tell your dead husband who you love with all your heart that you wanted to hurt him like he hurt you?

A tear started to run down Sonny's face, and Will carefully wiped it away. "Tell me. " Will whispered. "It's okay. Whatever you want to tell me, tell me."

Sonny took a deep breath and, without thinking, just started talking. "When you went to L.A., Paul came to Salem. It was such a shock to see him, and a part of me was still angry at him for not committing to me the way I wanted him to. I wanted to throw in his face that I was happy and married and had everything I wanted. But you were not here, and when my loneliness and anger got the best of me, I wondered 'what if?' What if I had tried to make things work with Paul? And then you came home. And you seemed so attentive and wanting to be there, and I was happy. Then I found out you lied, that you were fired, and the hurt was back. But I pushed it aside because it was the holidays, and I just wanted to be close to you again. But we slowly started drifting apart, and Paul kept coming into my radar."

"After I was attacked and I found out you cheated on me, my world came crashing down. I couldn't believe that you slept with someone else, and then to make it worse, it was with Paul. I left to try and recover and figure out how I felt, but all I could think was 'how could he do this to me?' And then suddenly I just wanted you to feel something of how I felt. I wanted you to worry about losing me, and I wanted to throw all your insecurities back at you."

Will's hand dropped from Sonny's face, but Sonny grabbed it quickly. "That was so wrong of me to do. I was not thinking. I could only focus in on that you hurt me, Paul was giving me attention, and I wanted to prove that I was the best either one of you was ever going to get. And you became so obsessed with Paul and getting him out of the way, and I was angry. When this job opportunity came up and I found out what you did with Paul and Derrick, I realized we could not keep going the way that we were. Something had to change. And maybe again, I wanted to hurt you by leaving and taking a job opportunity and you never knowing when I would come back."

"But as soon as I got to Paris, all I could think about was you. All I could think about was how much I missed you and Ari and I wished you were there with me. I was still really hurt, and I still needed time, but I swear to you, you were the one I thought of every single day. I couldn't talk to you because I wanted to do my job and get to a point where I could talk to you and not be angry. I started to realize I wanted to fight with you for us, not just fight with you. And when I got your voicemail, and I heard the pain in your voice and you take all the blame, I realized that I could not let you take all the blame for what happened. Suddenly I could see how I had made mistakes too, and I couldn't let you take all the blame. That you did not ruin everything, that I love you, and only want to be with you."

Sonny looked straight into Will's eyes then and gently cupped Will's face. "I do only love you. You are the one I only want to be with. The one I want to wake up to every morning, and the only one I want to fall asleep next to every night. We lost our way for a while, but it doesn't matter anymore." Shakily, he took a deep breath. "I guess no matter what I think or feel, it doesn't matter anymore."

"Of course it matters, Sonny. No matter what, it matters."

"But you are gone! I am talking to a dream spirit you, not the real, actual you."

Will smiled. "You don't think I am actually me?"

Sonny laughed at that. Will bit his lip. "So tell me what would have happened if we had more time."

"What?"

"Tell me, what was your plan? If I was still alive, what was your plan for when you got back to Salem?"

Sonny shrugged at first, not knowing what to say. But Will's eyes stared deeply into his, imploring him to tell Will.

"I probably would have called Gabi or someone to find out where you were. I wanted to surprise you. Hopefully you would be at home, but no matter what, I was going to find you."

"And when you did?"

Sonny smiled. "When I did, I was going to walk up to you, tell you that I loved you and only you, and that no matter what stood in our way, you and I were going to be together with Ari. I would have told you that I forgave you for what happened, ask you to forgive me for letting Paul hang around when I knew that it bothered you, and then finally, ask you to come back with me to Paris for a mini vacation. I would have told you that I would figure out a working schedule and ask you to please wait until this project finishes, and then we can move forward from there."

Will moved closer to Sonny, almost intertwining their bodies, and asked in a whisper, "And then what?"

Sonny stared at Will's eyes, and then his lips. "Then I would have done this." He leaned forward ever so gently, and captured Will's mouth in a powerful kiss that shows all the love meant for only the two of them. A kiss that brought tears to Sonny's eyes, because it hit him that he was never going to kiss Will like this again.

Sonny broke off the kiss, gasping for air. Will cradled Sonny's head close, shushing him again. "It's okay baby."

"No, it's not. We were supposed to have that time, to have those moments. We were supposed to raise Ari together with Gabi, have more children, and watch them grow up. I hate that we don't have that. Chad took that away from us."

Will pulled away from Sonny and looked at Sonny confusingly. "You actually believe that Chad is the one who killed me?"

Sonny looked at Will startled. "What?"

"Sonny, Chad is not the one who killed me. Why would Chad kill me? He is your best friend, he loves Ari. There is no reason for him to kill me."

"But…but he attacked Ben! Why would he do that?"

Will could only stare at Sonny sadly. He could not tell Sonny anymore, and he knew he did not have much time. He had so much he wanted to tell Sonny, but for now, he knew what the most important things were.

"I love you, Sonny. I have probably always loved you, and will always love you. I will always be with you, watching over you. I am glad I was able to keep one promise to you, that I would only have one wedding, only be married to you."

"Will…what…"

"Sonny, I don't have much time left. I will be back if you ever need me, but for now, you need to know that I never blamed you for anything. I was the one who messed up, who nearly ruined us. I am so happy to know that you were going to come back for me, and I would have gone anywhere in the world that you asked me to go."

Sonny's breath began to shutter, and he bit his lip, fearing where this was going. He did not want to leave this dream. He wanted to stay in the bed forever with Will. But realistically, he knew that was impossible.

"I need you to promise me something." Will implored to Sonny.

"Anything."

Will stared straight at Sonny. "I need you to promise me you will be there for Ari. Be the father I can no longer be. Be there when she starts to go to school, makes friends, gets her heart broken, falls in love, gets married.." Will began to get choked up, finding it hard to admit that he could not be there in every way for his little girl. But he knew that if he could not be, he had to make sure Sonny was. "Be there when she has children of her own and makes us grandpas. Promise me, Sonny, that you will not break any promises you made to her like I have."

"You haven't broken anything, it was taken away from you."

"Just please, promise me, no matter what, you will be there for her. Even when you move on from me."

"That is never going to happen."

Will looked at Sonny sadly. "Yes, it will. I will always be there, but it will happen. You are too amazing of a guy to be alone for the rest of your life. Just please, promise me you will be there for Ari."

With tears running down both of their faces, Sonny nodded. "I promise."

Will smiled through his tears. "Thank you."

Suddenly, Will could feel it was time to go. He leaned forward again, needing to feel Sonny's warmth and love one last time. Sonny gripped onto Will's arms, not wanting to let go, even though he would have no choice. Sonny closed his eyes as he felt Will's lips against his, and could hear Will's whispered breath. "I love you."

Sonny jerked awake, gasping and looking around him. "Will?" He looked around, but no one was there. He was still in his and Will's bed, but it was cold, and the light started to shine in through the window. He could hear his phone beeping, most likely his mom worried about him. He looked down and realized he was still hold Will's shirt in his hand.

"It was all a dream." He said to himself. Tears came to his eyes as he thought back over the dream and then things Will and he said to each other. Things that they should have told each other months ago. But it was too late.

He also thought back over what Will said about Chad not being the killer. If Chad was not the killer, why would he attack Ben? Why would Ben lie? Sonny did not know, and was not really sure he truly wanted to know. His husband would still be dead. But one day, he would truly get justice. For Will and Ari.

Thinking about Ari made Sonny remember the promise Will made him make in his dream. Sonny would be there for Ari. He needed to go back to Paris for work, and was not sure he could return to Salem, but he would be there for Ari. No matter what.

He looked at the picture sitting on the bedside table of Will, himself and Ari. The sun began to beam through the window as he smiled and grabbed the picture, staring at Will. "I promise."

 _Please review!_


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